Finally starting to feel normal again, shoulder is starting to settle down and 'touch wood' children are behaving themselves at the moment. I have spent two entire days doing absolutely nothing - and do I feel guilty, not at all.
Got another 2800 words written yesterday, so am happy that the words continue to flow. Will get some more written tonight hopefully. I considered taking the boys up to Renmark to see my family for Easter but with all the drama the last few weeks I just didn't have the energy. Now with all the beautiful weather we've had, I'm a little sad that I didn't.
I've done my bloghopping this evening and visited the newest writer on World Moms Blog, from there I flitted over to her own personal site Mama Wants This to have a peek. One of the intriguing things she'd written on her blog was a letter written to her fear which came from a prompt on The Red Dress Club.
I found this subject interesting because I would have to be one of the biggest worriers in the world, I think part of this goes hand in hand with being a mother. I understand fear and wonder what my letter to my fear would say. I'm sure I could write an entire book to my fears.
One of my greatest fears is not being in control of things in my life. Having suffered from anxiety during some tough times following an ectopic pregnancy I can fully appreciate how scary our fears can be (more about this here if you're interested)
My greatest fear back then was that something would happen to me that left my children vulnerable - for example I got paranoid about driving with them in the car in case I had an accident and was hurt which would leave my babies to the mercy of strangers who came to assist. Lets face it when I look back on the things that I feared or worried about they seem quite silly and irrational. At the time though the fear was all consuming.
My greatest fear these days is something happening to one of my children. It's no longer debilitating to the extent that it stops me doing things but it does continue to cause me unecessary stress. I know they are growing up and I can't protect them from everything. Lets face it, with their father no one could ever say that they've been wrapped in cotton wool or over protected and deep down I know that's a good thing.
They've been brought up to be strong and confident children and I've always told them that they can do anything they put their minds to. All three of them sometimes astound me with their resilience and their fighting spirit, they also make me incredibly proud. I can even live with the little chuckles they occasionally have about mum worrying about them and I also tell them that I will never apologise for worrying about them. It's who I am.
I am stronger in myself these days and face majority of my fears head on, it still doesn't stop me feeling overwhelmed sometimes or prevent my stomach churning, but I can face up to them most of the time. Isn't there a saying 'what doesn't kill us can only make us stronger'?
So I will continue to face my fears because I read somewhere that the things that we fear most are also often the things that will help us grow and learn the most. I will also try not to worry quite so much because it's amazing how exhausting worrying can be and nothing ever happens that's as bad as what I imagine it is.
What about you, what do you fear?
Many of our fears are tissue-paper-thin, and a single courageous step would carry us clear through them. ~ Brendan Francis