Friday, September 23, 2011
Magic imagined worlds
My week is about early morning starts, which is hard for someone who's not a morning person.
There's extra hours in the office which is more from choice than because it's expected and mainly because there's so many things to do that I'm not sure where to begin. All of this contributes to feelings of unbalance and exhaustion.
No lectures required, I know I have to fix it. I'm pretty sure that once we settle into steady project mode and we get some sort of processes around what we're doing then life might balance out a little bit more.
Do you remember your childhood years? Were you spontaneous and carefree or were you the organised one who was a serious planner? I don't think I was either, I probably sat nicely on the fence - not too out there and spontaneous, but not too serious and organised (my mother may say otherwise).
I was the dreamer who lost herself in books and writing and imagined worlds. I dreamed of climbing the Magic Faraway Tree with Moonface and his friends, and of solving mysteries with the Famous Five because Enid Blyton was my idol. I also dreamed of spying on my neighbours and my family and writing all of my observations in a little notebook like Harriet in Harriet the Spy.
How did I get from there to where I am today? Do family, work and life intrude and we change, or is it that we were always like that deep down and we've peeled back a few layers of the onion skin to become who we really are deep down.
I want the carefree, dreamer back - I miss her. Maybe I wasn't totally carefree but I was definitely lighter and less tense. I don't want to care about the project team schedules and changes and justifying why things are the way they are. Okay it's not that I don't want to care, but I don't want to be so irritated by the changes (yes this from me who wrote about change and loving it a few short months ago)
Its not so much the changes that I dislike but the whinging and whining from others, and everyone expecting me to fix the problems. It's changed, I can't control it - just bloody get on with it - or at least leave me the hell out of it.
I want to dance on the wind, sing like a fairy and once again dream of climbing the Magic Faraway Tree. To feel at peace with me and at peace with the world. Calm, at ease and at peace - sounds like a pretty nice place to be. I don't much like the irritable me at the moment - nor does hubby for that matter.
Tonight I'll just have to settle for curling up on the lounge and dreaming of two days free from schedules and communication planning. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely adore my new job, I guess the biggest thing is I don't like not being able to control and manage things as I once used to. I will learn to adapt and go with the flow a little more often, or go crazy trying.
Hope you have a wonderfully relaxing weekend, be it real or imagined.
Using the device of an imaginary world allows me in some strange way to go to the central issues - it's one of many ways to express feelings about real people, about real human relationships ~ Lloyd Alexander
Posted by Fiona Biedermann