Saturday, January 5, 2013

6WS - Why does criticism hurt so much?

I think it's fair to say that the things you value the most are always going to be the things that hurt the greatest when someone dares to criticise them.

If you've got something bad to say about my writing or my family then you'll hit a sore point every time. I do realise thought that the words thin-skinned and writer just don't go together either so I do need to toughen up and not take things so much to heart.

The thing is, there are tactful ways to criticise or review a book, but perhaps only someone who has actually written one and battled with their confidence would understand how hurtful some comments can be.

That said, I’m also a big believer in learning from my mistakes and so I've reviewed and re-edited my book with a specific eye on punctuation, not for my reviewer on Amazon but for myself, because every step of my writing journey is a learning step.

Plus, once I re-read it I realised she was kind of right (me admitting my failings - light bulb moment) Though I will also point out that I don't believe that it detracted from the story or it's readability, but each to their own.

It’s possibly still not up to her standards (that wasn’t my aim) but it now has greatly improved punctuation and tighter writing in some places – so for that reason, I thank her for her comments.

As a writer, I now better appreciate the need to focus not only on the storyline and the spelling, but on the entire package.
 
If any of you have purchased or downloaded my book and not read it as yet, the updated (new & improved) version will be available for free later this week through the Kindle promotion. However, I've been told it will take up to 48 hours for the revised version to go live first. 

So what do you get defensive about and what's the worst criticism you've received?

 

I'm linking up with Cate who gives us all a place to visit and connect. Want to play along with Six Word Saturday, its easy? All that's necessary to participate is to describe your life (or something) in a phrase using just six words. For more information, try clicking here. Feel free to explain or not explain. Add an image, a video, a song, or nothing.
 
 

26 comments:

  1. I try to learn from my mistakes too but the sting of criticism still hurts so much.. I understand exactly how you feel.

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    1. I think most of us know this feeling - thanks for visiting

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  2. You are absolutely right that the things that are important to us are the things that hurt the most when picked at. I get defensive about teaching. It is really hard to think about all the things that go into a lesson, handle 30 different personality types, and always be positive and upbeat. When a parent tells me that I haven't done enough to help his or her child, it stings.

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    1. I don't envy the task of a teacher - I think it would have to be an extremely hard job but I'm sure the rewards when they come are worth it. I read about all the effort you put in and know you must be awesome :-)

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  3. I get defensive, alot...more so than I want to admit on many things. I can't even pin point them at the moment. I have read the last couple posts of yours were you have been mulling over this reviewers comments and I think you are being too hard on yourself. Brush it off, learn from your mistakes and move on. You can't please everyone, and not everyone is the punctuation nazi. Grant it is an important piece to writing but when you are in the thick of writing and creating sometimes things get lost in the moment and even editing, rereading, is not going to catch everything and that is ok. Not to mention, you self published it so not as if you had a team of editors from some powerhouse publishing company behind it...That will be for your next book, right? Just remember me when you are famous. :-)

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    1. Jenn - You were one of my first original supporters - of course I'll remember you when I'm famous. Thank you for your words

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  4. It takes a brave person to learn from mistakes. It sounds like you are that brave person!

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  5. I hate it, Fi, but try to smile graciously. (through bared teeth)

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  6. I choose to take criticism and make it a valuable tool for change it often does hurt as well

    come see what I shared at http://shopannies.blogspot.com

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    1. We should always listen and then take what works for us and discard the rest

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  7. Hi Fi,
    As an author I completely understand what you are saying. But editing is a HUGE part of writing and I find that I love to get someone else to do the editing (after I've done the first go through) just so I can get their perspective on the WHOLE package :)
    And you are right....writing is a learning experience.

    That being said..... I will download your book this week and read it and then I'd love to do a guest post with you when I post the review..... If you're interested, drop me an email...

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    1. Brenda - several people did review for me and loved the story - they looked past the punctuation though, maybe they liked me too much.

      It's all a learning curve though

      Would love your opinion, so will definitely drop you an email

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  8. Punctuation is one of my biggest challengest, Fi. I gave many an English teacher gray hair with my "free-style" punctuation. :-) I often can't see my own errors or typos because my mind sees what it wanted me to put there, and not what is actually on the page or screen. I agree with Brenda that having someone else proof your work is a great idea, for me it is essential! I'm betting though, that most readers of your book were able to read along with no real difficulties. Maybe the reviewer was looking for things to take issue with?

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    1. My spelling is good, great even, although even that will be challenging for some readers because of the difference with Australian and US spelling. Punctuation I will work on though. Free style punctuation sounds good though :-)

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  9. I am not a writer however I am often critical of incorrect spelling especially on TV or in public media. No wonder children can't spell anymore and write like dyslectics. (TOYS R US!!!!!. I give you immense credit for writing and being published. I envy you your ability. Keep up the good work.

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    1. I too am critical of spelling, not so much with punctuation. I'm horrified that children of today have such lazy spelling but wonder what you can do with TV and social media destroying it.

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  10. It's so true that we are most hurt by criticism of things that that we value. I think when you have spent a long time on something and done your very best, it must be awful to have someone criticise it, especially it it's not done in a particularly constructive way.

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    1. I can accept a healthy review, but there's always a nicer way of doing it. It was awful :-) but a learning curve after all

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  11. It sure does, but so many times it teaches us what we needed to know!

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  12. Sadly in the business it is impossible to use the "If you can't say something nice saying"
    hang in there I tend to write like I speak so it is alot of run alongs and poor punctuation
    but the story to tell still needs to be told so i decided to give a better writer part of it and see what can happen
    with it. Love what you do and gain support from US who will help heal the hurt :]

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    1. Thank you and yes my support is what continues to give me hope and belief. Thanks for dropping by

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  13. I get defensive about my work. When somebody implies that I have made a poor hire; failed to have a colleague's back in a meeting; don't have the same priorities, my ears start a very prickly and embarrassing reddening process...

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  14. You handle criticism much better than I ever will. Bad/negative reviews are part of what's keeping me from writing my own book(s). My hat's off to you...Happy 6WS! :-)

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Everyone has something valuable to say and I would love for you to share your thoughts