Sunday, December 18, 2011

Often I'm in need of a hug

Sometimes these things sneak up behind you and take you by surprise and sometimes you've sensed them coming for awhile and they still catch you by surprise. I hate bad surprises.

In my heart I need to write about this because it's has upset my world as I know it. Out of courtesy and respect to those involved I will refrain from names and detailed explanations here on this blog.

It's not for me too broadcast others troubles and surprise, surprise - I don't write anonymously, so some of you may know those in my life who are going through this trying time.

For any couple a decision to live in separate homes is not one too be taken lightly and at this time of the year and with children involved its even more devastating. I love both parts of this couple and I'm torn in half. Is it fair for me to want to scream "What about me, what about how I feel about this?" because that's what I'm thinking (plus a zillion other troubling thoughts)

How truly selfish and pathetic am I?

Despite their assurances that I will still see both of them, I know that things will never be the same. People change, they grow, they move on to new things with new people. Nothing can be the same. Trial separation is what's being discussed, I guess I'm not feeling too optimistic and yet I know I just have to butt out - it's not my life, it's not my business.

I feel like someone has kicked the chair legs out from under me and not first warned me they were going to do it (kick the legs out from the chair that is). I've hit the ground hard and the air has whooshed out of my lungs with a massive gush and I can't catch my breath. News like this has sort of sucked any joy out of my Christmas break.

I guess it will take time for me to adjust to it, time for the news to sink in. The thing is, I don't want to adjust, I don't want the news to sink in. I don't want anything to change because endings suck and none so much as this one!

Hugs, Fi


  1. I'm sending you a hug dear Fi.

    wish I could give it in person.

    Hugs... and hugs...

  2. Ohh Fi, I am sorry to hear about this. It is never easy watching loved ones go through something like this. Praying for you and for them. I have a feeling I know who you are referring to of course hoping that I am wrong. Hopefully you can keep the relationship in tact so you can still be a big part of the *childrens* life. Sending you a big hug from Portland Oregon. Email me privately if you need to vent.

  3. I don't know if my story will help or not, but I want to share. In October 2004 Daniel and I separated. We were POSITIVE we were going to get a divorce. The problem was, neither of us was willing to give up the girls for more than a couple of days at a time, and neither of us was willing to keep the girls from the other for more than a couple days at a time. Our solution was to eat dinner together a couple of days per week. Over time we realized that we were talking and laughing and enjoying ourselves together. We were spending more time together than we were apart. We started "dating" again, and things fell into place. I moved back in with Daniel at the beginning of 2005. Our marriage is stronger than it EVER was now. I am proof that separations, while TERRIBLE at first, CAN have some value. There can be happy endings. Don't give up on the couple. I'm sending positive thoughts your way for them!


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