I want to be good, really I do

Three weeks till we shut down the project for Christmas break - it just can't come quick enough. I really need a holiday.

My side of the family is in Renmark and hubby is working Christmas day so I'm struggling to raise any enthusiasm for Christmas this year.

My in-laws have never really done Christmas at their place, choosing to either come to our place or to one of their boys. My brother-in-law has invited us for Christmas lunch and I appreciate the invite, but no kids there either.

I used to start preparing for Christmas shopping in July every year, not so any more. Teenagers are so much harder to shop for than toddlers and presents cost ten times as much for them. Half of the excitement of Christmas used to be putting up the tree and wrapping presents. I used to buy lots of smaller presents and fill their stockings full of fun things and good stuff to eat.

We also used to drive around the nights before Christmas looking at Christmas lights and the boys would anticipate Christmas morning for weeks. Now it's a day to sleep in for them and it's lost much of it's anticipation and joy for me.

Sure I have my grandson, but this year he's a little bit young to enjoy the day or the lead up to it. Daughter-in-law has lots of nephews on her side, so while I know we'll see them for Christmas, I'm sure much of their day will be spent with her family. I look forward to next year when he'll know what Christmas is about and he'll be excited. I think little kids are what put the fun and excitement into Christmas.

Oh my goodness, I sound like a tragic old scrooge don't I? I'm sure this is just an indication of how much I need a break and some 'me' time so I can re-discover my anticipation of Christmas.
Middle son needs to get his night driving hours up before he can get his license in January so maybe I'll make him drive me around to look at Christmas lights.

I received notification on Friday from the private school that I enrolled youngest in, that at this stage they have no vacancies for 2012 for his year level, so he's now on a waiting list. So maybe I wasn't doing enough positive thinking on this one?

Last night we went to a 40th birthday party for a friend, a friend who is one of the most down to earth and decent human beings I've ever met. He and his family live a very different life than us. It was very much a case of seeing how the other half lives with a brand new mansion in a ritzy suburb, caterers, waiting staff - the full works.

No envy here, because I appreciate the hard work he's put into achieving this lifestyle. Also as gorgeous as his property is, it's not what I would want for myself or my family. I guess it's more the reality of getting older slapping me in the face and making me realise that we all should be chasing our dreams. I'm not doing enough of that at the moment.

Have I depressed you all now with my miserable post - apologies if I have. I momentarily thought about deleting this post as well, but hey this is me, this is my brain dump for today and better out than in. I need to shake it off and get my happy pants back on. I miss my family a lot and I guess all of us feel it when Christmas is coming and our loved ones are some distance away.

Coming back happier because tomorrow is another day.

Cheers, Fi