Once upon a time if I didn't write daily I suffered from withdrawal symptoms. In saying that, I haven't written for almost two weeks and yet I couldn't make myself.When life gets on top of me or makes me mad then I either struggle to write or I write continually.
This time I didn't want to write, I didn't touch my book, my website, my blog. I did however continue to write in my personal journal. Within those pages I am free to moan and whine and be the misery guts I was - see I'm human, but where possible I refrain from moaning to all of you here on this blog.
I'm not always inspired to dream, I'm not always positive. Sometimes life pisses me off...a lot and for the last few weeks I've lost my way. See I've always pictured what I want in my life and then I focus on those things becoming reality. Yeah it might sound a bit hokey to some people, but in most cases it has never let me down.
Plus it requires action, I don't just sit and wait for things to happen, I go out and make them happen where I can. After all you'll die of old age if you sit and wait for everything to come to you.
One particular focus of mine has been a long time coming... in fact I'm still waiting for it to happen. I'm not sure why it's not happening but if and when it does then I'll be free to talk about it and it will make sense to you then.
The other most recent one was to do with my eldest son and for some reason when I ask for something for one of my boys it usually comes about as well. Now I fear I'm starting to sound real kooky, but oh well why stop now?
Friday morning my words in my journal were 'I give up universe, you're obviously not listening to me at the moment'.
Two hours later my eldest son sent me a text message at work to ring him when I was free. His news, positive confirmation of one of the things only a few hours earlier I had bemoaned that I'd given up asking for.
Yes Universe, you're listening and I'm extremely grateful - but remember that song "what about me?" I'm not sure why you're holding out on me for the other thing and while I know everything happens for a reason, I'm not sure what the reasons for this are. Other than to make me damn miserable.
So, do you ask for what you want and then it happens, or do I sound just a little bit crazy - or a lot crazy even?
Regardless, here's to positive thinking and a happier week for everyone - me included because I definitely need to put my happy pants back on.
Cheers, Fi
Oh, Fi, I can SO relate to this. I believe in positive thinking, and I also feel like I've usually gotten what I've wanted or needed out of life. USUALLY! There are those things that I thought I desperately wanted, that looking back I'm SO glad I didn't get, but for the most part the big things happened for me. I think that has a lot to do with my drive and passion. The fact that I'm darned stubborn might have something to do with it, too.
ReplyDeleteI can think of one particular thing that I BEGGED the universe for that seemed like it would NEVER happen. For 13 years I lived wanting the universe to show me help Daniel through what turned out to be his bipolar. I guess there was something I was supposed to learn through that experience. I still haven't figured that out. In those moments, I've wanted to give up hope that positive thinking and all that hoopla was anything more than just a line people say to motivate themselves.
Sometimes I think we weren't meant to know the reasons, but I do believe there is a reason for everything. Here's one of my favorite songs to remind me of this when I need it: Unswered Prayers by Garth Brooks. http://youtu.be/7umsq5n1THw
Fi, Fi, Fi...I could have written this same post several times through the years...I know you are not religious but I am going to say it anyways....It is all in GODs time not ours. There will be a lesson in the waiting, the hard work, the unanswered questions, the heart aches, the pains, all of it. When whatever it is you are looking for, working towards, there is a plan and it will be revealed in time and then when it is , you will think back and it will all come together like a puzzle. And you will appreciate it all the more. Keep writing, keep reaching for your dreams...it will happen, when the time is right.
ReplyDeleteKaren / Jen - I love you guys, you are truly my online supporters who cheer me on and give me a kick in the pants when I need it. I know what you're both saying is so right and true but shit I hate being positive about it all some days.
ReplyDeleteThanx for being you xxx
You don't have to be positive every minute of every day. Oh, boy, do I know that! I have my breakdowns and temper tantrums, for sure. I'm always amazed that people tell me how positive I am, in my writing and at work. I don't necessarily feel that way, but apparently it comes across that way in my life. I take that as a compliment. We MUST allow ourselves time to pout and cry or we would break. Remember, even concrete is built with stress fractures so it doesn't crack where it's not supposed to.
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