I've been super busy today, dinner is simmering in the slow cooker, the washing has been hung out, the bathroom and toilet are sparkling clean.
I've updated middle son's resume, read several blog posts, checked out what everyone is doing on Facebook and I've even taken the time to subscribe to several new blogs.
Actually, I'm just avoiding what makes me feel uncomfortable.
I'm writing this post and guess what, I still haven't opened the latest manuscript for my book. Yes that thing which makes me step out of my comfort zone is at the bottom of my list of things to do today - but at least it is on that list.
The reality is that I'm the worlds worst procrastinator when something is uncomfortable or not flowing smoothly. When something is so important to me that my heart aches at the thought of not being able to do it successfully then I avoid doing it rather than risk doing it badly.
I wrote yesterday, I dithered and edited and put some words on the page but it's stuck...stuck...stuck, so instead, I spend my time doing lots of worthless crap to make me feel better about not writing - why is that? I don't have an editor or publisher breathing down my neck, the only pressure I put on me is from myself.
God forbid that I would actually believe I need an editor or publisher.
One of the many blog posts that I read today to avoid doing what I most wanted to be doing was how 'not writing or being stuck' is because of our belief systems. So if you need a reason like me to not be doing something then go take a peek http://menwithpens.ca/why-you-cant-write/
I don't write because I'm stuck, I read lots of blog posts about why I could be stuck and then I write about not writing and being stuck. It's all kind of dumb in a round circular kind of fashion.
Okay so shoot me, I had to find something which justifies why I'm not writing. Anything else in my life I tackle head-on with a no holds barred attitude. I just knuckle down and get it done, writing though is a total different ball game.
It's not like I've never done it, I've written two books, fiction and non-fiction and I've had reasonable to good reviews. I don't think I suck totally but at the same time my brain doesn't believe me and keeps inventing reasons why I shouldn't be writing.
So it now seems that I need to take a few of my crappy inner beliefs, turn them on their head and rewrite them and just bloody put my bum in the seat and write. Or perhaps I could make some muffins and cakes for lunches this week....KIDDING, but I definitely need to rewire my belief system and just write.
Who cares if it sucks.....if it sucks then I don't even have to show anybody do I?
So what's your belief system stopping you from doing?